'If The Stars Could See You Now'- and you could see your true reflection too...4/8/24

Lyrics from my song ' If The Stars Could see you now'

" If the stars could see you now, what would they say, as you stand on your backdoor step so small and brave, as your tears fall down and evaporate, back to the skies, they celebrate ....

If the stars could see you now, what would they say?"

If you could close your eyes and place your hand on your heart for a 3 minutes and reflect on this question for yourself.

I believe from the stars perspective you are doing a lot better than you think you are.

I have another song written with the lyrics 'Breathe in your beautiful now"

We can be hard on ourselves, and so can I.

Stepping into the unknown and trying new things can bring fear bubbling to the surface, just as I experienced doing my first pier jump and swimming out of my depth, I found overcoming my biggest fear was going to be the springboard for me. I not only survived, (yes some fears make you think you are going to die!), I found that magical beautiful feeling in overcoming your biggest fear feels like, just as I felt on stage at The Cobblestone Dublin. I was nervous but I quickly realised that there was no need to fear, because love met me there, my love of performing and connecting with audiences and my love for my family and friends. It really helped having family and friends there on the night but having new friends and tourists including my youngest ever listener in attendance collectively made it a very special night.

Reflections on my first Dublin headline gig and how listening to my heart to pursue music is a decision I am proud of.

I was close to cancelling my first headline gig as a few days beforehand my Mam's health deteriorated to the point that I cried the whole day on the Friday, well almost.

I managed to stop crying long enough to rehearse with my very chilled and empathic (thankfully) accompainist Richard. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to perform with the worry and stress leading up to the gig.

My mam was diagnosed with Dementia three weeks ago. While we wait for her MRI results to be discussed with us, she is now in need of 24 hour care.

It is heartbreaking seeing my Mam suffering as she is right now. Before I open my eyes in the morning and before I close them each night, I think about my Mam.

Life challenges comes despite headline gigs and to do lists.

I decided to go ahead with my planned gig (my very first Eventbrite event!) as I didn't want to let anyone who had bought tickets down, the venue and to the artists who I had booked.

I like to think I am a woman of my word. Trust and reliability is important not only in the music industry but for any business or career. When I commit to something I like to honor it.

I was on holidays in Dingle and planned to join in on a session. The booked musician was running late and I ended up getting asked to play as i had my fiddle. I ended up playing for 2 hours on my own as the musician was too tired to do the gig in the end. I got paid and It proved to me that I can hold an audience on my own and a reminder of the importance of being professional and being true to your word.

When I was dropped from not one but two support act gigs earlier this year, due to the headlining artist both refusing to have a support act, it was then that I decided to take more control and book my own gigs. I realised that I can't wait for opportunities anymore but I had to create them. It reinforced the importance of depending on oneself to make things happen and that I would take the blessings in the lessons and use it as fuel my heart's fire rather than let it quench it.

Why am I proud of myself ?

I went ahead with my first headline Dublin gig ,despite it being one of the hardest weeks personally for my family.

I felt the fear of going to a bigger stage and venue along with slow tickets sales running up to the date and the feeling of not being able to give this event the energy I would usually have to fully focus and promote it.

I used to go to the Cobblestone in my 20's and 30's, too shy even to take out my fiddle to headlining my own show. I left feeling proud for doing it, for trusting the process and being able to show up, despite reasons not to.

I felt proud being able to support and pay the artists for their time and talents.

I want for others what I want for myself as an artist.

I was delighted that I was'nt at a financial loss, believe it or not it is almost a celebration to break even starting out.

My aim for my next gig is to also pay myself. Sometimes you have to give to receive and I know that I can ask musicians and photographers to do support for the experience or opportunity but I choose not to. I value artists and their gifts and time as I value mine. Now that I am pursuing music as a career and not just for fun, money is a factor. Fiddle strings are expensive, as is recording and wanting to earn from the arts means charging and getting paid.

Music is my way to express myself and having a way to transmute the difficulties in life in a way that makes me feel happier for it, is the gold. Thinking about Kellie Harringtons words after her 2nd Olympic Gold win, "just to be happy " boxing is her way, Music is mine....

That doesn't tears don't pave the way as going outside of our comfort zones come with discomfort and our egos are really just trying to protect us.

I am proud for picking up the courage to sing my first song in public after almost 30 years being to shy to sing. It takes one step, one song, one decision to make a change.

I can get overwhelmed at times with the different aspects of being a musician and building a new career. Even finding time to write this blog, it is being written in between my caring roles right now. Someone asked me recently, how do I find the time to write and make it to yoga classes, there is no easy way to make time when you have a busy family/work life. You either get up early or stay up late. Somehow you meet the deadlines and keep moving through despite the demands being required from you.

What helped me in these past few weeks to run my 1st music event myself was having help on the technical side of things so I have a fantastic coach in Stephen Bunney from Warrior Wellness.

Yoga is my non negotiable since joining in January. I love it for feeling stronger and for helping me to feel more grounded. I have quite high energy and I love it for keeping me in the moment and in my body as having ADHD I find I am constantly thinking and it is nice to be... in the moment....just as I am when I am performing.

I will mention my family and friends, who help and support me on my creative pursuits. I am very grateful for the good people in my life.

The most important thing I feel now that I know I have ADHD , I am not taking medication for it, but my environment is very important. That means who I have around me , keeping my space clear and tidy (that is a full time job) , but once every few months I have a friend who buddies up with me and I we do a power clean for a few hours.

As a musician with ADHD i also write a checklist , to make sure I have everything, I write everything down, I leave for a gig on time, Check out parking and allow for delays.

What I have learned is the most preparation , the better..

To be kinder to myself in my human ways and in opening up my heart on stage.

I will write about vulnerability and it's place on stage in my next blog.

I hope that wherever you are you are being kind to yourself.

"Breathe in your beautiful now"

Love from my heart to yours.

Excuse the spelling typos but a phrase that comes into my mind is.."Done is better than perfect" and for today, done is just perfect for me.

#life #musician #music #lessons #artist #create #love #irish #kildare #writer #blog #adhd #neurodivergent